| |
| |
|
Humor Information |
|
|
|
|
When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting things that popped into my mind was that I would get a new Internet Service Provider and finally get off the 300,000,000 Spam lists that I was on. I thought for sure I would go insane if I received one more "How to Enlarge Your Manhood" piece of Spam-as if I needed to do that anyway (yeah right).
But alas, there are things in life that you cannot escape no matter where you flee and Spam is one of them.
The funny thing is, there apparently is not a market for the "How to Enlarge your Manhood" spam here in Mexico. I dare not speculate why although I would very much like to know. I am however, too squeamish to even think of bringing up the issue with anyone, much less my Mexican pals who have internet access. Besides, I cannot even begin to figure out how to ask the question in Spanish-egad!--how on earth would I translate, "manhood"?
I am going to have a nightmare over that.
Anyway, I am getting Spam here in Mexico. They have finally found me. For the first year of being here in Guanajuato, we didn't have a computer but used the Internet Cafes. Now that we do, it is as if we have become a spaminator-magnet. Just how do they locate you?
I wish I had a Person-who-is-a-Spammer magnet so I could locate all the Spammers and then give them a good spam-slapping.This morning, I opened my hotmail account (Oh God! Do you think I've just tipped off more Spaminators by telling them I have a hotmail account?) and lo and behold, there was Spam waiting for me!
The subject line read "Miracle Burn". Miracle burn? This was the first time in my life I had ever heard of a burn being a miracle. No thank you, I thought, burns tend to hurt no matter if you call them a miracle or not. But, I had to see what this was so I opened the stupid e-mail. (Do you think opening the thing sends some secret, "We've got a sucker", signal, over the Internet, to the ones who sent this me in the first place? Is that how they do it?)
It turns out that this spam was talking about a fat-burning discovery hitherto unknown to anyone else on the planet. In all the history of humanity, just now-maybe even hours ago-someone discovered a new and unknown solution to burning fat off your overfed and overindulged fat body.
"Miracle Burn-The First Pill to Master the Art of Natural Weight Loss. Miracle Burn is the first and only weight loss pill to combine both patented Avantra Z and Hoodia."Let's stop here and ask,
"What the hell are Avantra Z and Hoodia"? They acted as if everyone should know what Avantra Z and Hoodia are. I had to look again at the ad since I thought "HOODIA" was some person from New Delhi, India, who was selling the stuff. So, I clicked on the ad (probably a BIG mistake).
Hoodia is supposed to be,
"?the most effective & natural appetite suppressant available. It contains a compound called 'P57', which is a molecule that makes you feel full."
Will you just imagine that! One little molecule will bloat you up like a toad so you won't want to go the Dunkin Donuts and wolf down a dozen or so of something gooey and wonderful.
I don't know about you but if someone offered me a dozen or so of compound "P57" (What does the "P" stand for-don't anyone dare write me and tell me!) or as it is commonly called, "Hoodia", I would turn and run the other way with a box of gooey glazed under my arm.
That is today's Spaminator story. I wonder what tomorrow may bring. In the meantime, I urge you to stay away from Hoodia or anything that even looks like a compound named "P57"!
Doug Bower is a freelance writer, Syndicated Columnist, and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He is a columnist with Cricketsoda.com and more than 21 additional online magazines. He is also a writer with EzineArticles.com with a readership of almost 6,000. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico. His newest books, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country and The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico can be seen: CLICK HERE: http://www.lulu.com/mexicanliving
 New York Daily News | Animated 'Click & Clack' lacks humor of real thing Salt Lake Tribune, United States - But the show's humor seems forced and wooden. Lacking the spontaneous feel of the radio show, it all feels a little too predictable. ... TV NOTE Car Talk's' Click and Clack duo gets animated PBS show |
Five humor hints on how to take control of your life by taking ... Seattle Post Intelligencer - The next blog on the Boomer Consumer will discuss: Five Humor Hints on How to Deal With Jerks and Knee Jerk Reactions. Posted by Rita R. Robison at July 4, ... |
Kia Motors Downplays Humor, Flash in Latest TV Ads Orange County Business Journal, CA - It’sa move away from past humor-filled ads, where Kia tried to be more hip and woo buyers with punchy campaigns. One featured a sales spot that parodied the ... |
Omaha clubs discover patrons tend to appreciate offbeat humor Omaha World-Herald (subscription), NE - ... bands to do something different," Nelson said, adding that Barry's style of edgy, offbeat humor should appeal to fans who attend concerts at Slowdown. ... |
Teacher: You need humor, God, insurance Muskogee Daily Phoenix, OK - By Travina Coleman Cindy Kane, a computer science teacher at Muskogee High School, has been living with lupus since her diagnosis in 1982. ... |
Blog of the week: Love + derivatives = comedy San Francisco Chronicle, USA - "Saturday Night Live" it ain't - xkcd's humor is gentle, and it freely delights in erudition of all kinds. But in a world of crude, common humor, ... |
A little humor sells Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, PA - By Mark Russell To illustrate how seriously we Americans are taking this election, I note such products as "Vote for Hillary" thongs, as well as songs ... |
The humor potential: Ladies get their revenge Kingston Reporter, MA - To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth 02360, send E-mail to inquiry@lorettalaroche.com, ... |
Five humor hints on how to be stressed for success Seattle Post Intelligencer - By Patt Schwab, Ph.D., Humorist Humor is not a joke! When it comes to reducing stress, humor can help put our problems into perspective faster than just ... |
For the Big Bucks, Try a Little Yuk Yuk Washington Post, United States - This book, written like a case study of the benefits of humor, could help many managers see that laughter is good for business. ... |
|
|