| |
| |
|
Humor Information |
|
|
|
|
Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of "Appeal"?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they're boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hearssomeone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.
 Deadspin | Are college football fans losing their sense of humor? Atlanta Journal Constitution, USA - For those who don’t have a sense of humor, it is a veiled (or not so veiled) reference that perhaps somebody supplied these young men with a car and ... 'Joke' puts Alabama in an ill humor |
NJ GOP sees no humor in Lautenberg lobbyist quip Newsday, NY - TRENTON, NJ (AP) _ New Jersey Sen. Frank Lautenberg is facing some criticism over some comments he made to ABC World News about parties hosted by lobbyists. ... |
 The Associated Press | Democratic Convention Humor Highlights About - News & Issues, NY - "You know, folks, that's the America that George Bush has left us. And that's the America we'll continue to get if George -- excuse me, if John McCain is ... Video: Obama: McCain 'Doesn't Get It' The Many Hats Of Joe Biden A plagiarist and his imaginery world |
 CBC.ca | Humor by Argus Hamilton Tucson Citizen, AZ - Michelle Obama did not mention her career in her speech at the Democratic convention but spoke about her parents, her home, her kids and her husband. ... Five Things Hillary Clinton Needs To Do Tonight Bill Clinton looms large at Obama’s party Wednesday Quotes: Stemming the Tide of Liberalism |
Humor: Frankfurter fear grips the nation WSLS.com, VA - By SCOTT HOLLIFIELD According to a story by The Associated Press, the source I turn to for breaking news about high-fat cylindrical meat-like substances, ... |
'Political Correctness Has Ruined Country Humor' Reason Online, CA - Appalachian scholar Loyal Jones complains that "political correctness has ruined country humor." If the hog-for-girl swap is representative, I won't mourn ... |
Czech film `King of England' too-long mix of sex, Nazis, humor ... San Jose Mercury News, USA - By Martin Wolf Forty years after he had won an Academy Award for his comedy-drama "Closely Watched Trains," Czech director Jiri Menzel covers familiar ... |
a little humor with Leeuna Valley Beautiful Beacon, TN - By Leeuna Foster Labor Day is almost here, the last holiday of the summer. I know I’ve said this before but the days are passing by faster than a Chinese ... |
 Bleacher Report | Lions Seeking Drew Henson Trade for Chad Jackson? (Humor) Bleacher Report, CA - Could re-uniting Michigan teammates be the key to pushing the Patriots over the top? William Berry offers a trade that could benefit both sides. by William ... |
Non-Verbal Communication: Happiness, Humor and Hair. Beliefnet.com, NY - My Soul Has a Hair Style (As Does Michelle's, Cindy's and Hillary's) by Janice Taylor, Life Coach, Cert. Hypnotist, Author, Columnist, 50-pound ... |
|
|